PAT
MAINARI
In
one of the best known early feminist pieces, published in 1969, Pat Mainardi
recounts her personal experience of trying to equalize the work of daily life
with her husband, and gives advice to women who want to share the housework
with their male
partners. The fact that there was
a politics of housework proved eye opening-
Though women do not complain of the power of
husbands, each complains of her own husband, or of the husbands of her friends.
It is the same in all other cases of servitude; at least in the commencement of
the emancipatory movement. The serfs did not at first complain of the power of
the lords, but only of their tyranny. -------John Stuart Mill, On the
Subjection of Women
Liberated
women--very different from women's liberation! The first signals all kinds of
goodies, to warm the hearts (not to mention other parts) of the most radical
men. The other signals--housework. The first brings sex without marriage, sex
before marriage, cozy housekeeping arrangements ("You see, I'm living with
this chick") and the self-content of knowing that you're not the kind of
man who wants a doormat instead of a woman. That will come later. After all,
who wants that old commodity anymore, the Standard American Housewife, all
husband, home and kids. The New Commodity, the Liberated Woman, has sex a lot
and has a Career, preferably something that can be fitted in with the household
chores-like dancing, pottery, or painting.
On the other hand is women's liberation-and
housework. What? You say this is all trivial? Wonderful! That's what I thought.
It seemed perfectly reasonable. We both had careers, both had to work a couple
of days a week to earn enough to live on, so why shouldn't we share the
housework? So I suggested it to my mate and he agreed-most men are too hip to
turn you down flat. "You're right," he said. "It's only
fair."
Then an interesting thing happened. I can only
explain it by stating that we women have been brainwashed more than even we can
imagine. Probably too many years of seeing television women in ecstasy over
their shiny waxed floors or breaking down over their dirty shirt collars. Men
have no such conditioning. They recognize the essential fact of housework right
from the very beginning. Which is that it stinks. Here's my list of dirty
chores: buying groceries, carting them home and putting them away; cooking
meals and washing dishes and pots; doing the laundry, digging out the place
when things get out of control; washing floors. The list could go on but the
sheer necessities are bad enough. All of us have to do these things, or get
some one else to do them for us. The longer my husband contemplated these
chores, the more repulsed he became, and so proceeded the change from the
normally sweet considerate Dr. Jekyll into the Mr. Hyde who would stop at
nothing to avoid the horrors-homework. As he felt himself backed into a
comer laden with dirty 0 brooms, mops, and reeking garbage, his front teeth
grew longer and pointier, his fingernails haggled and his eyes grew wild.
Housework trivial? Not on your life! Just try to share the burden.
So
ensued a dialogue that's been going on for several years. Here are some of the
high points:
"I
don't mind sharing the housework, but I don't do it very well. We should each
do the things we're best at."
Meaning: Unfortunately I'm no good at things like washing dishes or
cooking. What I do best is a little light carpentry, changing light bulbs,
moving furniture (how often do you move furniture?).
Also
Meaning.- Historically
the lower classes (black men and us) have had hundreds of years experience
doing menial jobs. It would be a waste of manpower to train someone else to do
them now.
Also
Meaning. I
don't like the dull stupid boring jobs, so you should do them.
"I
don't mind sharing the work, but you'll have to show me how to do it."
Meaning.
I ask a lot
of questions and you'll have to show me everything everytime I do it because I
don't remember so good. Also don't try to sit down and read while I'm doing my
jobs because I'm going to annoy hell out of you until it's easier to do them
yourself.
"We
used to be so happyl" (Said whenever it was his turn to do something.)
Meani,ng.
I used to
be so happy.
Mea,ning.
Life
without housework is bliss. (No Quarrel here. Perfect agreemmt.)
"We
have different standards, and why should I have to work to your standards. That's
unfair." Meaning.
If I begin to get bugged by the dirt and crap I will say, “This place sure is a sty" or
"How can anyone live like this?" and wait for your reaction. I know
that all women have a sore called "Guilt over a messy house" or
"Household work is ultimately my responsibility." I know that men
have caused that sore-if anyone visits and the place is a sty, they're
not going to leave and say, "He sure is a lousy housekeeper." You'll
take the rap in any case. I can outwait you.
Also Meaning. I can provoke innumerable scenes over the
housework issue. Eventually doing all the housework yourself will be less
painful to you than trying to get me to do half. Or I'll suggest we get a maid.
She will do my share of the work. You will do yours. it's women's work.
"I've
got nothing against sharing the housework, but you can't make me do it on your
schedule."
Meaning. Passive resistance. I'll do
it when I damned well please, if at all. If my job is doing dishes, it's easier
to do them once a week. If taking out laundry, once a month. If washing the
floors, once a year. If you don't like it, do it yourself oftener, and then I
won't do it at all.
"I hate
it
more than you. You don't mind it so much."
Meaning. Housework is garbage work.
It's the worst crap I've ever done. It's degrading and humiliating for someone
of my intelligence to do it. But for someone of your intelligence ...
"Housework
is too trivial to even talk about."
Meaning.
It's even
more trivial to do. Housework is beneath my status. My purpose in life is to
deal with matters of significance. Yours is to deal with matters of
insignificance. You should do the housework.
"This
problem of housework is not a man-woman problem! In any relationship between
two people one is going to have a stronger personality and dominate."
Meaning. That stronger personality
had better be me.
"In
animal societies, wolves, for example, the top animal is usually a male even
where he is not chosen for brute strength but on the basis of cunning and
intelligence. Isn't that interesting?"
Meaning.- I have historical, psychological, anthropological,
and biological justification for keeping you down. How can you ask the top wolf
to be equal?
Women’s liberation isn’t really a political movement
Meaning: The Revolution is coming too close to home
Also meaning: I am only interested in how I am oppressed, not
how I oppress others. Therefore the war, the draft, and the university are
political Women’s liberation is not.
"Man's
accomplishments have always depended on getting help from other people, mostly
women. What great man would have
accomplished what he did if he had to do his own housework?
Meaning: Oppression is built into the this System. I, as the white
American male, receive the benefits of this System. I don’t want to give them up ....