Young adulthood is characterized by moves toward developing long-term, intimate relationships and by establishing oneself in a career. Questionnaires can sometimes be helpful in clarifying one's traits which may influence intimate relationships. Lee's love scale provides scores on six dimensions and can be helpful in understanding your love style.

ASSIGNMENT

Answer the 50 questions on the love profile and map your scores on the hexagram provided after the last questions. Discuss your findings about your "types" of loving and indicate how accurate you feel that they are. What are the implications of your "type" for personal relations? What did you learn about yourself that might influence an intimate relationship?

LEE'S LOVE SCALE ADDENDUM

Lee's six types of love are presented in a circular model. At the top of the circle is romantic love. The nature of this attraction is seen as being essentially irrational and based on a strong erotic component. Yet to say that the attraction is largely physical is not to deny that romantic attraction may involve intense desires to care for and share with the love object--as well as to touch and be near him or her.

The next type is manic love. This emotion is intense to the point of being all-consuming. Sleep, hunger, and the common concerns of everyday life are replaced by passion. Its peaks of joy are incomparable, its depths of despair bottomless. Although completely wrapped up in the love object, such love is likely to be possessive rather than caring, desperately clinging rather than giving. This is the style of love that is called "mad" or crazy."

Still farther to the right we come to egoistic love. This is self-serving, competitive love. In contrast with manic love, here the obsessive passion is for the game of love itself and not for the partner. Indeed, in this mode the lover may take pride in having several relationships going at once. The object is to get the partner as fully emotionally involved as possible while carefully avoiding entangling commitments or emotional dependence oneself.

At the bottom of the circle is pragmatic love. It involves careful evaluation of a partner's good and bad points and of one's own "marketability." It is the very opposite of romantic love in that it is rational, practical, not especially intense, and fully aware of the alternatives. Commitments are likely to be seen as renegotiable if conditions change. Unlike the egoist, however, the pragmatist feels no passionate commitment to competition for its own sake. Rather, the lover wishes only to do as well as he or she can in the open market.

Coming up on the left side of the circle is companionate love. this love is deeply rooted in long-term friendship and loyalty that only gradually takes on romantic overtones. Lovers in this mode can disagree or even fight without threatening the relationship. Long term separations can also be survived easily. In every was this is the very opposite of manic love. It lacks the tension, the drama, the intensity, the incredible mood swings. It is stable, relatively nondemanding, committed, and trusting.

The last type is altruistic love. This style of love is kind, caring, and sensitive to the partner's needs in a self-effacing way that requires little in return. Often, out of loyalty the lover in this style will pass up opportunities for a more fulfilling relationship rather than abandon his or her love objective. This is the opposite of egoistic love.

In real relationships, pure types are less common than mixtures, and people may adopt different mixes in different relationships.

PROFILE YOUR STYLE OF LOVING

Below ae 50 questions concerning your own loving style. Mark each questoin as predominantly true or false. If possible, get your partnet to fill it out too.

 1.  I believe that "love at first sight" is possible.      T      F

 2.  I did not realize that I was in love until I actually had been for some time.     T     F

 3.  When things aren't going right with us, my somach gets upset.     T     F

 4.  From a practical point of view, I must consider what a person is going to become in life before I      commit myself to loving him/her.     T     F

 5.  You cannot have love unless you first have caring for a while.      T     F

 6.  It's always a good idea to keep your lover a little uncertain about how committed you are to       him/her.     T      F

 7.  The first time we kissed or rubbed cheeks, I felt a definite genital response (lubrication,       erection).       T      F

 8.  I still have good friendships with almost everyone with whom I have ever been involved in a love       relationship.     T      F

 9.  It makes good sense to plan your life carefully before you choose a lover.     T     F

10. When my love affairs break up, I get so depressed that I have even thought of suicide.    T     F  

11.  Sometimes, I get so excited about being in love that I can't sleep.     T     F

12.  I try to use my own strength to help my lover through difficult times, even when he/she is        behaving foolishly.      T      F

13.  I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer.     T     F

14.  Part of the fun of being in love is testing one's skill at keeping it going and getting what one        wants from it at the same time.     T      F

15.  As far as my lovers go, what they don't know won't hurt them.     T      F

16.  It is best to love someone with a similar background.     T     F

17.  We kissed each other soon after we met because we both wanted to.     T     F

18.  When my lover doesn't pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.     T     F

19.  I cannot be happy unless I place my lover's happiness before my own.     T     F

20.  Usually the first thing that attracts my attention to a person is his/her pleasing physical        appearance.     T     F

21.  The best kind of love grows out of a long friendship.      T      F

22.  When I am in love, I have trouble concentrating on anything else.     T     F

23.  At the first touch of his/her hand, I knew that love was a real possibillity.     T     F

24.  When I break up with someone, I go out of my way to see that he/she is OK.    T      F

25.  I cannot relax if I suspect that he/she is with soneone else.     T     F

26.  I have at least once had to plan carefully to keep two of my lovers from finding out about each        other.     T     

27.  I can get over love affairs pretty easily and quickly.     T      F

28.  A main consideration in choosing a lover is how he/she reflects on my family.      T     F

29.  The best part of love is living together, building a home together, and rearing children        together.     T     F

30.  I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my lover achieve his/hers.     T     F

31.  A main consideration in choosing a partner is whether or not he/she will be a good        parent.     T      F

32.  Kissing, cuddling, and sex shouldn't be rushed into; they will happen naturally when one's        intimacy has grown enough.     T      F

33.  I enjoy flirting with attractive people.     T      F

34.  My lover would get upset if he/she knew some of the things I've done with other        people.     T      F

35.  Before I ever fell in love, I had a pretty clear physical picture of what my true love would be        like.      T      F

36.  If my lover had a baby by someone else, I would want to raise it, love it, and care for it as if it        were my own.     T     F

37.  It is hard to say exactly when we fell in love.      T       F

38.  I couldn't truly love anyone I would not be willing to marry.     T      F

39.  Even though I don't want to be jealous, I can't help it when he/she pays attention to someone        else.      T       F

40.  I would rather break up with my lover than stand in his/her way.      T     F

41.  I like the idea of my lover and myself having the same kinds of clothes, hats, plants, bicycles,        cars, etc.     T       F

42.  I wouldn't date anyone that I wouldn't want to fall in love with.      T      F

43.  At least once when I thought a love affair was alll over, I saw him/her again and knew I couldn't        realistically see that person again without loving him/her.     T      F

44.  What ever I own is my lover's to use as he/she chooses.     T      F

45.  If my lover ignores me for a while, I sometimes do really stupid thngs to try to get his/her        attention back.      T      F

46.  It's fun to see whether I can get someone to go out with me even if I don't want to get involved        with that person.     T      F     

47.  A main consideration in choosing a mate is how he/she will reflect on my career.     T      F

48.  When my lover doesn't see me or call for a while, I assume he/she has a good reason.     T     F

49.  Before getting very involved with anyone, I try to figure out how compatible his/her hereditary        background is with mine in case we ever have children.     T     F

50.  The best love relationships are the ones that last the longest.     T     F

CIRCLE THE ITEM NUMBER OF EACH "T" RESPONSE ON THE SCALES BELOW. WRITE THE NUMBER OF TRUE RESPONSES PER COLUMN IN THE BLANKS PROVIDED. For example, if you answered #1 True, you would circle #1 below.

                                  7                10          14                 9                          5                   13

Now answer the questions that are on your assignment sheet. remember, do not turn this sheet in with your typed essay. All information that is shared will be confidential. Only share what you feel confortable with me reading.